Capricious

Capricious: changeable (dictionary.com).

Everything right now is capricious. I have so many friends surrounding me, but yet I feel so alone. I'm not lost, I'm just wandering. Maybe I need to stop for a second and look around? It's like laying on a nice hill looking up at the clouds as they pass by. I don't know what to do anymore. When I run into these problems I want to come to you, but I don't. I want to open up, but I can't.

Isolated.

Happening

Happening: something that happens; occurrence; event (dictionary.com).

Why do these things keep happening to me?! Ugh!

"Life's a bitch, then you die."

Left.

Conceal

Conceal: to keep secret; to prevent or avoid disclosing or divulging (dictionary.com).

>.>

What if.

Unwelcome

Unwelcome: not wanted (dictionary.com).

Dang, I have never felt so unwelcome before. To have thought they would be happy that I decided to show up; I guess not.

I just finished taking my ELM test; so boring, so tired. I feel so blahh.

I'm hungry and people are taking forever to finish! My dad is already here to pick me up. I finished my test within an hour too. All I had this morning was coffee.

Shady.

Birthday

Birthday: the anniversary of a birth (dictionary.com).

Yesterday was my birthday.

When the clock hit 12; I get this phone call from my friends, Christina and Rouel. They called to say happy birthday and we talk on the phone for a few minutes and then my door bell rings. I'm thinking; who can this be? Maybe it's my sister outside or it's my sister's friend. So I open the door and I see people >.> Christina, Rouel, Paul, and Dave all standing outside my door and holding a lit cheese cake and they all said "Happy Birthday!" Awwww so sweet! I was so surprised! Omg! They are such sweet hearts.

Ahhh; they didn't leave my house until 7am! Those crazy people.

So, I woke up at 1pm because my cousin called me and wanted to make sure I was awake because I was going on a SPA DAY! She picks me up at 3pm and start. I love getting pampered :D I got a mani, pedi, haircut, and some waxing. The only thing I was missing was a massage. But we had to leave because we were going to go out for "dinner."

So I get home like around 7pm; I think. As I ring the door bell, I was hoping for a surprise party! But my mom opened the door with Taven in her arms. And I see no one! So I'm like, okay. I won't be getting a surprise party and we are really going out for dinner. That's fine because we were going out for sushi and everyone knows I love sushi.

Then my cousin asks me to get her something and it was in my mom's closet. So I go into my mom's closet (it's a walk in) and I kind of fling the door open cause I do that a lot and I hear this thump sound as I walk in. I turn around and it's my friend Tran hiding. She totally walks away without saying a word to me and then I get the stuff for my cousin and I'm like, "Omg; okay. What the heck is going on?" So I assumed that Tran was going to go out and eat dinner with us and I was like, yay! I haven't seen her in so long!

So, we're waiting for Taven to get picked up and I'm hungry. I'm like, okay... When are we going to leave? And my sister is like, they'll be here in 20 minutes and I'm like okay. So I go inside my room to get ready and stuff and then my sister is like, "Chrissa come outside, Jessica's brother wants to meet you." I'm like, "What the hell? Uhhh. Okay, but tell him I'm not interested!" As I walk out to my drive way there are a whole bunch of people and they all yell out "SURPRISE!"

Wow, I got a double surprise on my birthday! I was like, O_O Ahhhh so shocked. So surpised! Hahaha. Awwwww they really do care :D

I was lied to >.> I can't trust these people anymore! Hahaha...

At the end of the night I put all the puzzle pieces together. All this time I was out of the house was because I needed to be distracted. And every time I would talk about my birthday I would be somewhat ignored. I forgive them because they did it to make me happy :D They are wonderful people.

Ohhh; how can I forget! So, I get caked and I went into the kitchen to get clean my face and when I was done, I was given an envelope. They make me sit on a chair and read the letter out loud. It said "Read Out Loud. Happy Birthday Chrissa (heart). 2 for 1 Lap Dance." Music comes on and I get a lap dance from Liem and Luke! OMG IT WAS SO X RATED! They started stripping and everything! They had on bikini bottoms. Omg! They even put whip cream on my arms and licked it off and then Liem bit my neck; what a freak! Omg! He's like a secret vampire.

But all in all, I had a great time :D Very memorable. The very first second of my birthday was great and so was the ending :)

Lovely.

Weather

Weather: the state of the atmosphere with respect to wind, temperature, cloudiness, moisture, pressure, etc (dictionary.com).

Today I went to San Francisco. The weather was just absolutely amazing. The breeze and temperature was just right. The way the wind flows through my hair was great. Why did I choose Sacramento State over San Francisco State again? Ohh yeah; that's right >.> What's done is done.

Going to Pier 39 was super fun :) I got to see magic tricks, some guy juggle machetes, sea lions (stinky), USS Pampanito Tour, Alcatraz, Musee Mecanique- The Mechanical Museum and foooood. As it got closer to the evening it started to get super cold! So we went and got some coffee. San Francisco cold weather and coffee go so well together.

The USS Pampanito Tour was amazing! It's so antique! Omg, I loved it! As we were leaving we had to go up the ladder and as I was going up, I thought I was queasy and just all of a sudden felt dizzy; but it was just the submarine moving back and fourth >.>

This was when I thought I was dizzy >.<

Omg! So something strange happened. I was super scared and almost went into panic mode. My face was priceless. So as we were going to go tour we were just enjoying the weather and scenery and then all of a sudden this police guy stops us! He was like, "Stop there! You're in violation." I was thinking to myself "Omg! I don't remember doing anything wrong." And then he goes, "Violation of being serious!" It was because we weren't like all smiley smiley. Lol! He's a fun police. He made me laugh so hard and my smile was so big :D And then he was complimenting me and what not. Made me blush XD He was doing it for a good cause and so we donated some money. He also gave me cool stickers and now I can remember this funniness.

This fun police; he gave me my revelation. It took a fun police to make me realize a lot of things. Haha. I can finally let it all go; I am now happy and satisfied. Really. I must say, the universe is a beautiful place :)

You got to Love San Francisco :)

Blah, it was time to leave San Francisco and go back to Sacramento. When I got home I bonded with my Mom and Sisters. We just talked and caught up with a lot of stuff. I also helped my Sister make Lumpia. Even though I didn't want to, I did anyway.

Abundance.

Speechless

Speechless: temporarily deprived of speech by strong emotion, physical weakness, exhaustion (dictionary.com).

I am speechless. I don't know how to describe the feelings I feel. I feel like I'm getting ambushed by a flock of birds and they're pecking me.

I notice these things; I'm not stupid. This is ridiculous. I feel invisible.

Today is my friend's last day in Sacramento before he leaves to San Francisco. We hung out tonight and just talked. It was nice. I won't be seeing him for a long time >:/ I'm definitely going to miss him; especially his sense of humor. Who will tell me stupid jokes when I'm venting to them about these stupid issues I am having and try and make me happy? Who will hold me together when I'm pouring out?

Inexpressible.