Capricious

Capricious: changeable (dictionary.com).

Everything right now is capricious. I have so many friends surrounding me, but yet I feel so alone. I'm not lost, I'm just wandering. Maybe I need to stop for a second and look around? It's like laying on a nice hill looking up at the clouds as they pass by. I don't know what to do anymore. When I run into these problems I want to come to you, but I don't. I want to open up, but I can't.

Isolated.

Happening

Happening: something that happens; occurrence; event (dictionary.com).

Why do these things keep happening to me?! Ugh!

"Life's a bitch, then you die."

Left.

Conceal

Conceal: to keep secret; to prevent or avoid disclosing or divulging (dictionary.com).

>.>

What if.

Unwelcome

Unwelcome: not wanted (dictionary.com).

Dang, I have never felt so unwelcome before. To have thought they would be happy that I decided to show up; I guess not.

I just finished taking my ELM test; so boring, so tired. I feel so blahh.

I'm hungry and people are taking forever to finish! My dad is already here to pick me up. I finished my test within an hour too. All I had this morning was coffee.

Shady.

Birthday

Birthday: the anniversary of a birth (dictionary.com).

Yesterday was my birthday.

When the clock hit 12; I get this phone call from my friends, Christina and Rouel. They called to say happy birthday and we talk on the phone for a few minutes and then my door bell rings. I'm thinking; who can this be? Maybe it's my sister outside or it's my sister's friend. So I open the door and I see people >.> Christina, Rouel, Paul, and Dave all standing outside my door and holding a lit cheese cake and they all said "Happy Birthday!" Awwww so sweet! I was so surprised! Omg! They are such sweet hearts.

Ahhh; they didn't leave my house until 7am! Those crazy people.

So, I woke up at 1pm because my cousin called me and wanted to make sure I was awake because I was going on a SPA DAY! She picks me up at 3pm and start. I love getting pampered :D I got a mani, pedi, haircut, and some waxing. The only thing I was missing was a massage. But we had to leave because we were going to go out for "dinner."

So I get home like around 7pm; I think. As I ring the door bell, I was hoping for a surprise party! But my mom opened the door with Taven in her arms. And I see no one! So I'm like, okay. I won't be getting a surprise party and we are really going out for dinner. That's fine because we were going out for sushi and everyone knows I love sushi.

Then my cousin asks me to get her something and it was in my mom's closet. So I go into my mom's closet (it's a walk in) and I kind of fling the door open cause I do that a lot and I hear this thump sound as I walk in. I turn around and it's my friend Tran hiding. She totally walks away without saying a word to me and then I get the stuff for my cousin and I'm like, "Omg; okay. What the heck is going on?" So I assumed that Tran was going to go out and eat dinner with us and I was like, yay! I haven't seen her in so long!

So, we're waiting for Taven to get picked up and I'm hungry. I'm like, okay... When are we going to leave? And my sister is like, they'll be here in 20 minutes and I'm like okay. So I go inside my room to get ready and stuff and then my sister is like, "Chrissa come outside, Jessica's brother wants to meet you." I'm like, "What the hell? Uhhh. Okay, but tell him I'm not interested!" As I walk out to my drive way there are a whole bunch of people and they all yell out "SURPRISE!"

Wow, I got a double surprise on my birthday! I was like, O_O Ahhhh so shocked. So surpised! Hahaha. Awwwww they really do care :D

I was lied to >.> I can't trust these people anymore! Hahaha...

At the end of the night I put all the puzzle pieces together. All this time I was out of the house was because I needed to be distracted. And every time I would talk about my birthday I would be somewhat ignored. I forgive them because they did it to make me happy :D They are wonderful people.

Ohhh; how can I forget! So, I get caked and I went into the kitchen to get clean my face and when I was done, I was given an envelope. They make me sit on a chair and read the letter out loud. It said "Read Out Loud. Happy Birthday Chrissa (heart). 2 for 1 Lap Dance." Music comes on and I get a lap dance from Liem and Luke! OMG IT WAS SO X RATED! They started stripping and everything! They had on bikini bottoms. Omg! They even put whip cream on my arms and licked it off and then Liem bit my neck; what a freak! Omg! He's like a secret vampire.

But all in all, I had a great time :D Very memorable. The very first second of my birthday was great and so was the ending :)

Lovely.

Weather

Weather: the state of the atmosphere with respect to wind, temperature, cloudiness, moisture, pressure, etc (dictionary.com).

Today I went to San Francisco. The weather was just absolutely amazing. The breeze and temperature was just right. The way the wind flows through my hair was great. Why did I choose Sacramento State over San Francisco State again? Ohh yeah; that's right >.> What's done is done.

Going to Pier 39 was super fun :) I got to see magic tricks, some guy juggle machetes, sea lions (stinky), USS Pampanito Tour, Alcatraz, Musee Mecanique- The Mechanical Museum and foooood. As it got closer to the evening it started to get super cold! So we went and got some coffee. San Francisco cold weather and coffee go so well together.

The USS Pampanito Tour was amazing! It's so antique! Omg, I loved it! As we were leaving we had to go up the ladder and as I was going up, I thought I was queasy and just all of a sudden felt dizzy; but it was just the submarine moving back and fourth >.>

This was when I thought I was dizzy >.<

Omg! So something strange happened. I was super scared and almost went into panic mode. My face was priceless. So as we were going to go tour we were just enjoying the weather and scenery and then all of a sudden this police guy stops us! He was like, "Stop there! You're in violation." I was thinking to myself "Omg! I don't remember doing anything wrong." And then he goes, "Violation of being serious!" It was because we weren't like all smiley smiley. Lol! He's a fun police. He made me laugh so hard and my smile was so big :D And then he was complimenting me and what not. Made me blush XD He was doing it for a good cause and so we donated some money. He also gave me cool stickers and now I can remember this funniness.

This fun police; he gave me my revelation. It took a fun police to make me realize a lot of things. Haha. I can finally let it all go; I am now happy and satisfied. Really. I must say, the universe is a beautiful place :)

You got to Love San Francisco :)

Blah, it was time to leave San Francisco and go back to Sacramento. When I got home I bonded with my Mom and Sisters. We just talked and caught up with a lot of stuff. I also helped my Sister make Lumpia. Even though I didn't want to, I did anyway.

Abundance.

Speechless

Speechless: temporarily deprived of speech by strong emotion, physical weakness, exhaustion (dictionary.com).

I am speechless. I don't know how to describe the feelings I feel. I feel like I'm getting ambushed by a flock of birds and they're pecking me.

I notice these things; I'm not stupid. This is ridiculous. I feel invisible.

Today is my friend's last day in Sacramento before he leaves to San Francisco. We hung out tonight and just talked. It was nice. I won't be seeing him for a long time >:/ I'm definitely going to miss him; especially his sense of humor. Who will tell me stupid jokes when I'm venting to them about these stupid issues I am having and try and make me happy? Who will hold me together when I'm pouring out?

Inexpressible.

Walking

Walking: to move about or travel on foot (dictionary.com).

Yesterday I was supposed to go watch Ponyo, but then the seats were full because we were too late! Grrr. I really want to watch Ponyo!!! Instead we ended up eating at Johnny Rockets and walking around Old Sac. It was humid outside; but it got cooler; it was nice.

"I never lit a match with
intent to start a fire,
but recently the flames
are getting out of control.
Call me a name
Kill me with words
Forget about me,
it's what I deserve."
-All Time Low

Because this is what I know. Don't tell me something different. It's like walking on thin ice and falling deep into the water; all I feel is numb. No one understands.

Imperfection.

Again

Again: once more; another time (dictionary.com).

Today I woke up to silence; home alone once again. Parents and little sisters went to Modesto and older sister went to boyfriend's house; blahhhh. I woke up around 4 o'clock (ohh soo laatteee). Paul calls and asks to hang out; yessss! I don't have to be home alone and bored. We go to Jamba Juice; meet up with Rouel and Dave. Go to McDonald's. Then Rouel's house.

Adrienne left to go to New York today. I know she will have loads of fun :) I'll be waiting for post cards. Haha. I tried calling her before she left, but I guess I called too late. I just wanted to tell her to have a good flight and to have fun :) Which I know she will.

Splendid.

Spontaneous

Spontaneous: coming or resulting from a natural impulse or tendency; without effort or premeditation; natural and unconstrained; unplanned (dictionary.com).

I woke up late today to silence in my house. When I say late I mean like at 4 o'clock or was it 5 o'clock? I call my Mom to see where she is and she is at my Auntie's house with my Dad and younger sisters; and my older sister had work. I was home alone!

So I decide to go on the computer and then I hear my door bell ring. I get a spontaneous visit from Khang, Brendan, and Brandon. Khang came over to bring me a birthday gift. So sweet. It was a homemade duck box. It was suppeerr cuttee :)

We all just kind of sat around and talked about random stuff, like usual. Then they left and I was home alone again T_T

After like an hour or two everyone came home. I hate being home alone T_T

So I guess when I went out last night my younger sister and Mom went snooping around in my room and found the Kama Sutra book. So when my Mom came home, I was like, "Mom! Me and Susanna want a baby brother!" and I hand her the book. She goes "What?! Nooooo!!" Ohhhh gosh; the look on her face was priceless.

Rocky Mountain Oysters.

Party

Party: a group gathered for a special purpose (dictionary.com).

Today Lovely Adrienne threw me an early birthday dinner party. It was :D Thank you Adrienne! I had a wonderful time.

I love all the gifts I got. Especially the "Bitch Paddle," I Love You Coupons, and the Kama Sutra 365 book! The naughty things. Hahaha. The Bitch Paddle is awesome! I hit almost everyone with it. I got to leave those Bitch imprints on them XD

After the beautiful dinner party, Me, Tiffany, and Kingston went mobbing around the city. When Me and Tiffany went to go pick up Kingston; he was waiting outside flickering his lighter. We were like, WTF? LOL! Weirdo! We did random things. Went to the park with some junk food and just talked and lit Morning Glories. I love hanging out with Tiffany and Kingston :)

Then I went to Paul's house and hung out on his driveway.

Very nice night.

Anger

Anger: state of being mad, annoyed; strong feeling of displeasure or hostility (dictionary.com).

Wow! Who would have known; this girl I know is being shady like no other. I have never thought that she would be this way. I don't know if she is doing it intentionally but omg! It makes me hate people more and more every single day! I swear the wrath of Chrissa is coming out!

I hate fake people! Omg whatever; I'm going to stop here cause I'm too angry to even think! It's all jkahjksdhal;hgajhlghakhgahd!!!!! Bitch!

Feel the wrath!

Apathetic

Apathetic: having or showing little or no emotion (dictionary.com).

Lately I have been feeling apathetic. I've given every breath I've got. I feel like I am out of order. Blah! What the Fuck ever.

I really don't ever feel like doing anything anymore.

Don't say things you don't mean.

Me and my sister were supposed to bake cookies together, but then when we got home I went inside her room and just fell asleep on her bed and so she made it without me T_T But she's not going to bake it until tomorrow because it was kind of late and we were already eating a whole bunch of other food.

Peanut Butter Cookies.

Funny

Funny: providing fun; causing amusement or laughter; amusing; comical (dictionary.com).

Today was a Chriffany day :) Tiffany "parked" her car and pulled a Funny! It was a total FML that was an unspeakable moment. We watched Funny People and then fooood :D

Dicks are free.

Unutterable

Unutterable: not communicable by utterance; unspeakable; beyond expression (dictionary.com).

Life right now has been unutterable.

Today was a very pleasant day though. I spent the afternoon with Dom and Maggie.

First we went to Temple Fine Coffee & Tea. I was super tired because I only got 4 hours of sleep! Thanks Paul, CK, and Rouel! I got Mocha Thai. Ohhhh it was delicious :)

We went to the Roseville Galleria to go on a hunt for my dress! I told them; "If I can't find a dress, we're not going to eat!" And guess what? I found a dress so we got to eat :D But for real, I tried on like, 20 different dresses today! Hahaha. You got to find that dress right? (Girls, you know what I mean) It's purple and sophisticated.

Teavana is the greatest tea place ever; my favorite tea store :)

After the Galleria, we went to UO! Yay for Urban Outfitters! One of my favorite stores. But unfortunately I did not find anything I liked or wanted today :(

Dom has great taste in food, so whenever we hangout we always make him choose. Haha. So today we went to eat at... uuhhhhh... this one place in downtown. I forgot what it was called XD But it was good; and while I was eating I was headed towards food coma! Then we had ice cream for desert.

Oh! My older sister is coming home today and she is also bringing her god son too! He is super cutteeee :)

I was going through my I Read and I went to The Life Of An Insomniac and I found:

"I’m too good to throw away and too boring to have
[...]
you fooled me with your lies hundreds of times
from today on, I’ll be a bad girl who makes guys cry
now without a single tear, I’ll laugh at you"
- 2NE1- I Don't Care.

That's how I live life.

Suspend consciousness.

Blah

Blah: dull and uninteresting (dictionary.com).

Lately I have been feeling so blah! I think I have really lost all feelings for everything. I've given up all hope. I don't care anymore. Now, I just shrug and say whatever. I don't know; is this wrong of me to do so? It feels so strange. I can't even describe it into words.

Unfamiliar.

Rearranging

Rearranging: to change the arrangement of (dictionary.com).

Today I was rearranging my bedroom. Oh my gosh; it was so hard! I hate doing these type of things; usually my mom does it. I don't know why; but I suddenly had the urge to rearrange my bedroom. Hahaha. So right when I woke up I got to work! It was so hot and I was moving things around and throwing things away. But my room looks way more spacious.

What I really want right now, is new furniture for my room :D I still have not put anything on my plain white walls because I am too lazy. I'm going to wait for my dad to come next week so he can put the stuff up for me :) I also need to buy more picture frames.

Beats.